How to Balance Marriage and Motherhood Without Losing Yourself
Have you ever felt you no longer knew yourself because of marriage and motherhood? Listen, I’ve been there—and I’m still healing. I’m seeing excellent results with what I am sharing today. These three pieces of advice for maintaining a strong marriage while raising kids and staying true to yourself are a game-changer.
Remember, we must journey back to who we were before becoming everything else—we must rediscover simply being God’s daughter.
Don’t Lose Yourself, Sis!
Before married life, 2014
Now let me keep it 100 with you, sis. There are some things the married-mommy version of you won’t do that you did in your past, including good things. Be okay with that because we all constantly evolve, as should our approach to marriage and parenting. Yet, you are also changing as your marriage and parenting styles evolve.
Be kind to the past version of yourself, live in the now, and look forward to the future you.
If all of your roles have piled up on you, hindering your ability to see yourself, here are three things you should do to help you see yourself again.
Ask Abba. Be still and ask the Lord to reveal who you should be. Your version of stillness might look like complete silence. Maybe you’re playing soft instrumentals or dope beats in your background. However, for this exercise, stillness does not include your husband, children, besties, or dog; you get my point. He will reveal to you your most authentic self that He has called you to be in this season. Patiently wait on Him, however long it takes.
Act upon revelation. Now that you’ve embraced Abba’s revelation of you, it’s time to act upon it. The worst thing you can do is leave your revelation on the table and let it die. The Bible says we are to love our neighbors as ourselves—so are we genuinely loving ourselves if we are not being true to who we are? Let me provide an example. If the picture God gave you shows you with exuberant joy, yet you live the opposite, you disagree with His revelation. That will not be our stories, in Jesus’ name. We will put to work everything God says according to His wisdom!
Make no apologies. We don’t have the time or unmitigated gall to dumb down who we are. God has created you for His divine purpose and wants you to live a life of authentic, honest, unapologetic love on fire. The beautiful thing is that it looks different for all of us, as it should. Some people will hate your change, but transform beautifully anyway. I’m cheering you on, boo!
Never let the children get between you and your husband.
Married with firstborn, circa 2018
Remember, your husband came before your children, and your marriage is the only earthly relationship in which you become one flesh. You love those babies, but they eventually grow up and leave the coop. What will you do then? Here are two things to help you and your husband prepare to thrive during transition.
Quit cosleeping. I’m not saying you need to stop while your baby is still an infant. But if you have the space in your room to set up a crib or toddler bed, give it a try. By all means, allow your husband to help you shoulder this very new sleeping arrangement. You didn’t come to the notion of cosleeping alone, either, so receive his help. Your children will one day live on their own. Remember, this is for their good just as much as it is for yours and hubby’s. They need to enjoy being in their own space. In my opinion, it gives them the beginnings of enjoying needful boundaries. While you’re at it, stop nursing if you know your child no longer needs it. Get help, though.
Always be agreeable in front of them. Those sweet angels can act carnally minded and do their best to pit you two against each other. It doesn’t mean they want your marriage to fail; they want control and things to go their way. Do not ever give in to them. Remember, we don’t negotiate with terrorists. They are not little terrors, but, you know. While we’re at it, when you and hubby don’t like how the other is disciplining the children, please wait until you two are alone again before you discuss it. Listen, you are in the work of a healthy, holy, beautiful marriage. It’s not about either of you having the upper hand. It’s about you both submitting your will, ideas, experiences, background, etc., to the lordship of Jesus Christ. Follow His lead on how to disciple and discipline your children.
Christmas photo at church. Courtesy of His Amazing Art Photography ©2024
Obey God Concerning Yourself, Husband, and Children—in that order!
Now, I don’t have to expound on what this means. Here are some practical ways to fulfill this.
Obey God for Yourself. You know God has called and chosen you. So, as His daughter, seek Him out. The purpose is to spend time with Him and listen to Him as He pours back into you. He loves you and wants to see you be His daughter. Pour out of a place of abundance, entirely using every entrustment to the glory of God. He needs you to show up and be all in.
Obey God Concerning Your Husband. Ask the Lord what was in His mind about you when He placed y’all together. If you already know God has shown you, walk it out, without excuse. Love him, respect him, and honor him. From a willing place, and not based on his actions, watch how the Lord softens and tenderizes your heart and attitude towards him.
Obey God Concerning Your Children. These children cannot handle our big emotions, so we have to be mindful not to dump on them, no matter how harmless we think it is. Also, they are your babies, yet they belong to the Lord, so you must release your grip and trust God. Sis, this is not easy, and I don’t like it either. But if we want our children to live like arrows for the kingdom of God, we must yield to the Lord’s plans.
Love, I know this post wasn’t an easy read, as it proved challenging to write. However, you can do this. We can walk in love toward ourselves and discover godly balance with our husbands and children guilt-free.
If this blessed you, please share your comments or thoughts below. I’d love to chat with you.
In Him,
Candace
featured photo courtesy of Burgeon Empowerment & Photography ©2014
